


His Ephemeral Lifeline

by neeash



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Immortality Issues (Shadowhunter Chronicles), M/M, Marriage Proposal, a bit of angst because i love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 01:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14989334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neeash/pseuds/neeash
Summary: Alec realises that Magnus' ring finger is bare, never been touched and plans on fixing that.





	His Ephemeral Lifeline

**His Ephemeral Lifeline**

Alec lay awake in bed, the slithering light of dawn smacked overbearingly across the windows that was fortunately negated by Magnus’ reinforced curtains, a charcoal grey hued set of velvet fabric that hung heavy from the metal railings. From the many years of cohabiting, Alec grew accustomed to Magnus’ seasonal whims of re-decorating anything and everything, and autumn was not an exception. He shivered as a chill tickled at his exposed shoulders, mentally noting that he should recline with a shirt from tomorrow onwards before inconspicuously shifting on his hip to observe the stunning labyrinth that was Magnus Bane.

The renowned warlock bled of a semblance of pure strength, his pretty face often painted with glitter and held up haughtily high and broad shoulders rolled back as he sauntered instead of walked, all surrounding eyes unwittingly drawn to the radiating perfection he was but reverently gazing down like they were prostrating before a God. Alec always felt more powerful, _reassured_ when he walked beside Magnus, offhandedly smiling to himself because of how fucking powerful his boyfriend was.

Alec reached out and threaded his long fingers through the dark strands of keratin that were now natural and absent from product augmentation, relished in the silky texture that slipped delicately through his fingers like running water. He caressed the shaved stubble at the back of Magnus’s head, patting down the formation of the mohawk in gentle gestures that made the recipient stir ever so slightly in his slumber. Alec just rejoiced at the sight of vulnerability with the way Magnus wore a light pout, a totally unconscious action that only those that were granted the sight of watching him sleep were ever cognisant of.

And the shadowhunter was lucky to be one of them but he remembered the early periods of their relationship. With their entanglement of feelings knotted intermittently together, such a young and new prospect to both of their lives that Alec recalled falling fast into the bottomless pit, like a moth attracted to the light.

All that Alec knew in those early days were that he had wanted Magnus, was _with_ Magnus but didn’t quite know how to grasp and hold onto it all. He remembered when it slipped through his fingers, like broken glass and Alec remembered the way Magnus stared at him- a look of love, dewed by forlorn despondency as he stepped all over the shards of glass beneath their feet. Irremediably broken.

But then together, through careful words and soft touches they learnt to fix what was broken, discovered a new way around the initial holes in their relationship and applied all those lessons to make up what they were today. Together.

No matter how painful it was to recall the heartbreak, Alec knew that it was ultimately a fundamental piece of their relationship, of what Alec was to Magnus and what Magnus was to Alec. Even through tears and blank stares, Alec captured all those moments as a source of vitality that hosted their love, festered it like a forest fire. He would never forget any kind of memory, no matter the detriment it held. They were here now and that’s all that mattered.

Alec’s widened smile creased fond lines into the planes of his face while he analysed Magnus’ brown skin, clear of makeup or magical reform but somehow retaining a similar shine like it did from the gold glitter he frequently used. He remembered the first time he had kissed Magnus’ cheek and retracted with sheens of glitter painted across his lips, it tasting like artificial berries. It wasn’t an unpleasant experience, not more than it was a surprising one but evidently not bewildering enough to deter Alec from ever doing it again. Of course not.

The young shadowhunter wasted no opportunity to kiss his boyfriend; regardless of the circumstance- it was the lifestyle of a soldier after all, of Nephilim. _To carpe diem because momento mori_ , in retrospect to Isabelle’s first drunken stupor that Alec helped her get through with a plastic bucket and Jace’s greasy leftover from the evenings takeout dinner. The sense of grabbing and clutching any sort of happiness was a habit engrained in Alec’s movements, carved into his bones like the black runes on his flesh- to live like it was your last.

It described Alec’s overflowing, passionate attraction towards Magnus wholly, since he knew that he had found the one and wanted to waste no more time without him when he finally got him. And like a double-edged sword, it stabbed Alec when things turned wrong only to be forcefully tugged out when things got better.

For an immortal like Magnus, it was warranted that he wouldn’t completely comprehend Alec’s fervent behaviour towards their relationship, to take the lead and sprint head first without looking back- but Magnus held his hand back, tugged him into the warm cove of his chest and brushed nimble fingers across his cheeks with promises that they had a had a life to be together, and so they should take their time. And after a while, Alec began to listen and learn, realising how it had all worked out since it had been a couple of years now that Magnus and Alec had been together, happy.

The thoughts warmed the pit of Alec’s stomach like a comforting blanket, sewn with memories of Magnus and his smiles. He would never forget them, not even for the world and Mars and Jupiter. Absolutely nothing could equate to the pure, unadulterated upturned bracket of pink lips that creased fond lines into Magnus’ face while his almond shaped eyes crinkled at the corners, a crooked patch of teeth on display and cheeks flushed with euphoria as he simply _let go_. Let go in front of Alec, bare and exposed, ever so completely naked.

During the moments of rumination, Magnus seemed to lightly stir in his sleep while his obsequiously muscled arm (because even as a shadowhunter, Alec was envious) cut threw the air in an unceremonious motion before Alec caught his hand to lay in between them, intertwining it with his own as Magnus carried on soundlessly sleeping. The younger man traced his callused thumbs over the flawless brown skin of Magnus’ hand; movements undulated by his rings that seemed to be a rather familiar feeling.

Rings appeared to be a staple accessory in every single alternating mien Magnus wore, a perpetual feat that Alec had definitely acknowledged throughout their many established years together. Some days in the morning at breakfast, he would mentally count how many Magnus had wrapped around his lithe fingers, and observe the usual signet “M” ring that clad his index one, a dark silvery shine permanently dying it from years of abuse and lack of compensating it with magical care.

Even though primness encapsulated Magnus like a second skin, Alec figured that something as sentimental as an exclusive signature ring was one that needn’t be tarnished with artificial sterilisation. Alec was always speculating about Magnus selectively picking out what domestic drudgery he did without the aid of magic, finding it to be an odd yet endearing habit. The shadowhunter, though currently over-bordering on a quarter of a century of age, still to this current day was inquisitive on such quirks of his boyfriend.

Gently, Alec’s fingers skimmed over the fresh bare skin of Magnus’ ring finger, noting how young and virginal it felt towards being accessorised, relishing its soft texture. There was not a single trace that anything had ever adorned the finger, sparse of decorative jewellery because that would allude to engagement or marital bonds and Alec recalled Magnus apprising him of the knowledge that he had personally never engaged in such an institution.

It bothered Alec, oddly enough- that no one would ever yearn to legally certify their relationship with Magnus, to search beyond the heavens for the perfect ring and build a home together. How no one could ever want that with Magnus was something that transcended the shadowhunter’s experiences and youth, his thoughts rather petulant when Alec considered it almost blasphemous of God themselves to twist Magnus’ fate like that. But perhaps it was an act of benevolence, for he could be the one and the _only_ one to conduct such a proposal, so maybe fate was bittersweet in nature.

“Stop staring at me, pervert.”

Magnus’ voice, though laced with a guttural layer of sleep alarmed Alec greatly as he momentarily unclasped their connected hands before Magnus grabbed it back, shuffling impossibly closer to him. His eyes remained closed but a teasing tilt of his lips created a torrent of warmth within Alec who basked in the fact that they could start their day together now that they were both conscious.

Alec ran his tongue over his chapped morning lips. “Pot meet kettle. You were especially perverse last night, my ass is sore.”

“And what a wonderful night it was,” Magnus purred, prying his eyelids open to finally look at Alec. “Good morning, Alexander.”

“Morning, Magnus.” Alec caught himself grinning as they pressed their lips together, interlaced fingers drawing lines into palms like morse code, subconsciously communicating in ways that neither were aware of.

Magnus blinked the rest of his fatigue away, dark eyes bleeding like black ink as he stared at Alec. “It’s Thursday right? What time are you going in?”

“I have an hour or so, “ Alec answered, wanting nothing more but to chase Magnus’ lips and press him back into bed so they could have a repeat of last night. “You have that client in London though. The one with the talons?”

“Ah, London’s weather is especially dreary this time around,” Magnus groaned lackadaisically, strands of hair caressing his face from Alec’s earlier ministrations, like traces of a black spider web. “But I bet your smile would be able to bring out the sun.”

With a huff of unrestrained laughter, Alec lightly retracted from Magnus’ embrace, their fingers unlocking from each other one by one. “That has got to be one of the worse attempts of flattery I’ve heard from you yet.”

“Take that back, you little shit.”

But with a smile full of mirth, Alec stretched himself out of bed entering into the cold air of the season that licked like insistent pins across his naked skin. “French toast?”

“Yes please, angel,” Magnus conceded brightly, holding out his toned arms towards his boyfriend like a needy child. “Pick me up.”

But Alec was already nearer to the door than to the bed dressed in black loungewear, taking a moment to observe Magnus in his natural habitat, absent of concern over appearing like an unbreakable fortress that he usually wore in front of anyone else except for a select few of people who were granted access to titbits of his truth. Alec took pride in being one of those people, was pondering on the inconceivability nature of how he could live without being one. It was impossible to live without Magnus- without this _intimacy_.

“No, you have magic- besides my stele is too far away to activate my strength rune.” Alec couldn’t help but tease, realising that this sort of side to him was an unknown layer to basically almost the entire world. It was such a raw layer like the skin of pink flesh, as young and soft as a baby, so new to the world.

He couldn’t help but giggle- and Alec Lightwood _never giggled_ \- at the indignant snort that left Magnus as he pushed himself up from the bed, his back resting on the headboard. “Did you just call me fat?”

 

***

Originally Alec planned on just proposing with the Lightwood family ring, considering that was a tradition he presumed Magnus would appreciate the most- and he figured it a romantic gesture. But after Isabelle’s persisting hounding for a wedding ring shopping spree, Alec being the susceptible big brother he was fell under his little sister’s persuasion that he should let Magnus decide what ring he wanted to wear. And though rings didn’t necessarily fall under shadow world marital conventions, it seemed like a good idea for Magnus and Alec- to have a piece of each other even when absent of the other’s corporeal presence. He blamed Clary’s mundane influence.

                  It was a platinum band, four point five millimetres thick and encrusted with eighteen-carat diamonds that Isabelle cooed and keened over, ensured Alec with a violent bopping of her head that it was _perfect_. And even Alec had to agree that it was, perhaps not the best for his wallet but he wore a proud smile when he bought the rings- his own identical but in a white golden hue.

                  When the weekend had finally dawned on Alec, a two day vacation for both himself and Magnus where they cleared out their schedule for the sole purpose of spending it together doing everything and nothing all at the same time. It was then when the black velvet box felt like a heavy burden in his sweatpants pocket as Magnus reclined into him while they watched one of those chick flicks that hadn’t made it to theatres. The both of them loved to cringe in companionship at the terrible dialogue and awkward make out scenes, but Alec was noticeably distracted. Obviously. He was going to fucking propose to Magnus. He felt sick with happiness.

                  “Oh that’s tragic,” Magnus hummed at the scene playing out on the television, fingers mindlessly drawing insignificant shapes across Alec’s chest. “You deserve a better man, honey. Can’t find one better than mine though.”

                  When Alec only made a noise of agreement, Magnus glanced at him through his eyelashes languorously. “Everything okay?”

                  But Alec couldn’t reassure even that because he was sure that his palms were clammy and head a nebula ball of incoherency. Only, the warmth of Magnus bleeding through his clothes was what was keeping him grounded to earth, to the floor of their home, his mind hanging on to that scintilla of quotidian functionality when he gulped audibly and looked back at Magnus, who bore a slight frown on his lips.

                 He could do this. Alec could do this. He could do it for what he endlessly dreamt of what would happen next when he got married to Magnus, wore a piece of him everywhere he went and indirectly apprised the world of his bond with the warlock. Or the fact that their names would change. Alec figured hyphenating their surnames was the best course of action and couldn’t wait to get mail with _“Mr Alec Lightwood-Bane_ ” scrawled on it, or alter his Clave email.

Perhaps they’d have a small wedding but Alec only laughed to himself on moments alone at the thought of Magnus accepting such a term, knowing that he would bend and break the sun for the most pretentious, flamboyant wedding of the century. And Alec would secretly love it despite himself because he was going to be marrying Magnus, hand in hand and eyes to eyes, _together_.

                  “Magnus I uh-,” Alec’s words tripped like incomplete somersaults around his tongue, his hand diving into his pocket to fist the velvet box in a vice. “Get up- I mean, can you, y’know, just stand up for a second?”

                  Magnus, clad in Alec’s maroon t-shirt narrowed his kohl-lined eyes at him during his manoeuvre, a scintillating flame of curiosity dancing bright in his expression as he surveyed Alec with a sceptical tilt of his head, waiting. His hands were lax by either side of his hips, a brush of a smile on his face that Alec loved to see, especially now as it poisoned his anxieties and brought about a rain of reassurance that he could go through with this.

                  So with stuttering legs and knees that _cra-cracked_ as he wedged himself into position, one shin flat on the carpet while the other waved around in nervous tremors, Alec stared up into the dark brown of Magnus’ eyes, the incredulous parting of his mouth silently enunciating his astonishment.

The rapid thrum of Alec’s heart was like a rock star’s solo electric guitar performance, one who neglected the aid of the pick to feel the roughness of strings snap melodically against the callused pads of their fingers as they played, swift and as powerful as ever. To create a rhythm that subverted traditions and produced a paradigm for a different genre completely.  

“I know I should have arranged a more professional setting than _this_.” Alec darted his eyes to the ceiling to illustrate his words, his fingers growing fatigue with the weight of the box in their grasp. “And I know you deserve a lot more than this- but uh, I don’t think I could handle doing this in a public space…I want this to be here, just the two of us. In _our_ home.”

During Alec’s continuous ramble that Magnus would have found adorable under different circumstances, the shorter man could only stare like he was stuck in a daydream, occasionally rocking back and forth on his feet in a gentle manner, one with the motion of the air. It wasn’t that Alec’s words were going past him, no in fact each syllable slapped resoundingly across the entire expanse of him, electrifying every single nerve in his body like a live wire to fester a tempest of emotions whirling within him. But Magnus was a broken circuit that couldn’t move or talk, couldn’t respond- was missing something vital.

“Magnus Bane, I love you. Forever,” Alec said with finality, his throat hoarse and voice thick with sincere emotion that bled all over his words. His heart raced and his fingers shook as he pried open the velvet box to reveal the ring that gleamed harshly against the overhead light, shiny and ever so present like a star that never blinked. “Will you marry me?”

The sound of the television was a distant cacophony, like a bee that buzzed just close enough for one to overhear it but Magnus’ silence deafened all otherworldly sounds out for Alec. His hands stopped shaking with every drag of a passing second absent of reply and the smile on his face trembled at the edges, like peeling wallpaper at the corners of walls.

A knot of nauseating trepidation filled Alec, one that erred from a kaleidoscope of fluttering butterflies into filthy moths that thrashed their way up into his oesophagus to choke him when Magnus ran his left hand down his face, his ring finger still vacant. Alec listened to the withdrawal of breath that Magnus released, the chatter of the television and his own heart pounding erratically in his chest, threatening to snap his ribs.

He didn’t think of this. That Magnus would say no. That Magnus wouldn’t want to marry him, live together as husbands. Alec didn’t think.

“Alec, I-“

“ _Don’t_ ,” Alec interrupted, voice betraying him with its reedy tenor as he stretched to his full height, hand clasped over the now closed box that was sure to wear from his grip- _and neglect_. “Please, don’t.”

“Sweetheart, look at me,” Magnus asked in a broken plea, his lithe brown fingers beckoning towards Alec’s face.

With a resounding slap, Alec diverged Magnus’ hand away from him, ignoring the layer of hurt that painted streaks in his expression from the clear refusal. “Alec, please listen to me, I-“

“I can’t be here. Not right now.” With a jerk, Alec pushed pass Magnus as a sickening whorl lurched dangerously in his stomach. It was unlike the kind of feeling one got right before they vomited, but it was the closest Alec could describe to currently feeling, like he was light and threateningly airy on his feet.

Magnus reached his strides with a burst of magic, grabbing Alec’s forearm in such a painful grasp that it made the recipient turn around. “Let me go, Magnus. I don’t want to be angry- not at you.”

“No, we have to talk about this,” Magnus insisted, a raw edge to his baritone that went unnoticed by Alec.

Alec let out a frustrated sound, petulance and desperation weaved into it. “What’s there to talk about? You don’t want to marry me!”

“I never said that,” Magnus said quietly, so painfully soundless that it could have been the lilting whistle of the wind blown in through the open windows. So that the words could have been just as easily carried away than they had just been uttered.

As if met with a bucket of ice-cold water, Alec’s muscles tensed like the archer in him would deftly tighten bowstrings. “ _Then_?” He released the tension by gesturing to the air around them, yearning to brush away traces of the suffocating presence that was beginning to build.

There was a whirling trace of dark pain visible in the dimmed shine of Magnus’ eyes, the way his lips were drawn dismally in a frown and slight quake in his hands as they pressed Alec’s arm. More often than not, Magnus disguised despondency with a mask of invisibility but right now he was in front of Alec and all inhibitions countering the authenticity of his feelings were jettisoned because _it_ _was Alec_. There was nothing to worry about, he thought.

“Oh Alexander, I- it’s not that I don’t want to marry you.” Magnus was looking up at him, perhaps pass him as he collected his thoughts together. “It’s just…this isn’t the first time I’ve been proposed to.”

A whirring sound like an alarm knocked persistently in Alec’s head and his father’s words suddenly breached him after many years of disregard: _‘there’s so much you don’t know about him_.’ “Oh. Okay.”

Of course it hadn’t been and Alec was stupid for assuming so. It didn’t matter that Magnus had never been married since that fact didn’t override the possibilities that he was previously asked for engagement, and only the angels knew how many times that had been. Alec’s mind recalled the mentions of Magnus’ previous lovers and he just sighed, his shoulders hanging in a slump because he didn’t have the right to think like this. He was older now; he was no longer a child.

“Magnus, I don’t care about that,” Alec promised honestly, hand slipping the velvet box back into his pocket discreetly. “I don’t because it’s not about you and your past. This is about you and me and _our_ future.”

Magnus smiled, one that didn’t crease the corners of his eyes and show teeth. “I know darling, thank you. But it’s marriage…to be married to someone, it scares me.”

“What? Why?” Alec inquired, bewilderment clear in his tone but his hands were gentle as they found Magnus’, lacing their fingers together as all the previous aggravation filtered out of the atmosphere in increments. “ _Hey_ , you can tell me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Hesitation weaved the ever-filling basket of Magnus’ expressions, his Adams’ apple bopping visibly against his brown skin as he leant his forehead into Alec’s shoulder briefly. Alec ran his free hand up and down Magnus’ back in soothing motions, feeling the undulating ridges of his muscles dance under the pressure of his fingers while he curled into the embrace. The familiar scent of sandalwood was aromatic and tranquil as locks of the warlock’s hair tickled his cheek teasingly and Alec breathed it in when he pressed a kiss to Magnus’ forehead, lingering the touch to reassure him that he really wasn’t going anywhere.

After a few moments of silence, Magnus broke out of the hug but retained the close proximity, so close that plumes of his breath fanned Alec when he spoke, “because marriage cements us. It make us one and two at the same time. And for me, for warlocks- we tend to marry, if at all, within our own kind.”

A painful tug wrenched Alec out of his reality into logical reality as he pondered on Magnus’ words. They had discussed the issue of mortality over the course of the many years together, sometimes at Magnus’ favourite Greek restaurant or privately in bed at night and perhaps to themselves but Alec thought they had accepted it. Not subjugated it, but overcome that very obstacle in their relationship that proved an ordeal in early months because they had stayed together, were living together, woke and went to sleep next to each other for years now. He thought they were okay.

“But Alec, you’ve taught me that I can be selfish, that it’s okay if I want this,” Magnus carried on, his eyes reached Alec’s in a plea to hear him out completely. “And I want to marry you, god knows I do more than anything. But when- when I’m alone, that’s all this will ever be.”

“Will it make you happy?” Alec found himself saying, his mind absorbing the raw integrity of emotion streaking Magnus’ words and mien, wanting to brush away all ailments and just spend whatever they had left otherwise.

Magnus smiled again, and his bottom lip trembled slightly as if uncertain so Alec caressed it softly with his thumb. “The happiest, I think. I’ve never known marriage.”

“Then Magnus, honey, please marry me. We can be selfish together.” Alec knocked his forehead against Magnus’, eyes boring into his in desperation. “Let me marry you.”

A blossom of warmth spread within Alec’s chest as Magnus gave a light, airy chuckle, his hand snaking up the path of Alec’s arm, his shoulder and neck to reach his reddening cheek. The touch left a singing path of heat in its wake that heightened every single shadowhunter sense into overdrive.

“Yes,” Magnus said, albeit a bit breathlessly as if he had just lifted something torturously heavy off of himself. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Alexander.”

Without warning, Alec grinned a thousand times brighter than was ever possible for mouth muscles to stretch as he hooked his arms around Magnus’s waist and lifted him up, spinning them both around in a pleasant whirl that was filled with breathless laughter and smiles. When Magnus’ feet hit land again, he leant most of his weight on Alec while he kissed him, breathing words of affection into his mouth.

“Care to take me to bed, Mr Bane?” Magnus teased when Alec scattered soft kisses along his jaw, biting gently at his neck.

Alec grinned, eyes flitting to Magnus’ in pure adoration. “I thought you’d never ask, Mr Lightwood.”

They giggled during their awkward amble towards the bedroom, tearing off clothes and wishing for one another’s hands to never leave each other as they kissed, breathing in the same air. Alec caught a glance at Magnus’ bare ring finger and smiled, realising that no matter how long they had left together, it wasn’t going to be empty anymore because they had Alec’s forever to live, together. And maybe, that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so #SaveShadowhunters on twitter. we can win this fight! here is something i've been writing in between power hours, i thank thos2 pictures and stories for reinvigorating me. i'm @neeashking on twitter!
> 
> this was going to be something else at first then something else and now it's this lol. i hope you enjoyed!!


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